Deborah May's blog

Be Explicit

How long does it take you to frame what you want to say to people? If you’re well trained and familiar with politically correct language that turns most dialogue to beige, then probably not long at all.
It takes more time and thoughtfulness to prepare a script using direct, honest, specific and useful language. And who has time?!
Most executives I know are well versed in diluting the impact of their messages by smearing them with jargon, qualifiers and adjectives designed to soften. It’s easy and acceptable. It just isn’t effective.
If you have something important to say or you want to galvanise, inspire or excite your staff, be direct, honest and explicit.
You won’t energise anyone by telling them how important it is that they meet their stretch targets and key performance indicators in order to achieve the company’s forecasted budget. You will get their attention if you told them they needed to generate $2 million dollars in fees and bring in 5 new clients to get their 10% bonus.
Likewise telling someone that you feel they could do better if they showed just a little more initiative is unlikely to have any impact at all. Telling that same person that they need to speak up in meetings, meet their commitments, and schedule weekly client review sessions without being prompted might be harder to say, but certainly more useful.

Manage Boundaries

You don't need to be mates with the people you work with - in fact, it causes trouble.

If you're a bloke, keep your jokes and banter outside of work.  Friends can joke and tease each other. When jokes and good humoured one-liners are aired at work they can be misinterpreted.

 

Work is the place to be friendly and professional. You can ask your colleagues about their weekend without making cheeky assumptions about what they got up to. When you banter playfully with people who don't welcome it, or don't get it, you risk a complaint of harassment.

Likewise, if you're a woman, make sure a friendly enquiry about a colleague's well-being doesn't become an invitation to counsel.

You can ask your colleagues how they are without providing advice, solutions or compromises to compensate for sub-optimal performance during difficult times.

If a colleague is experiencing personal difficulties, be empathic, ask what support that person needs and what they will do to find it. Make sure the responsibility for managing the difficulty remains with the person who's experiencing it!

Merging of personal and professional boundaries causes confusion, makes it difficult to give frank feedback and can be a distraction and excuse for poor performance. When you're at work be friendly, be empathic but remain professional.

Emotional Management

Life with a self absorbed 14 year old step-daughter has pushed me to the brink.

Today I told her that I wasn't enjoying sharing a house with her and I needed her to pull her weight.

It went down like a brick, of course.

She's not used to anyone being honest about their feelings. I pointed out that it was far better that I told her what I needed from her so she had the choice of doing something about it (or not!).

The alternative would have been me completely withdrawing and avoiding her entirely, or having an undignified tantrum. Both would affect the whole family.

Many of my clients find honest feedback confronting but useful. Most don't get enough of it to grow or improve.